All this time, I have written posts from a safe distance (No! That does NOT mean tying my pen to the far end of a broomstick and scribbling into a book, from across the room) It’s just that writing about something personal, or something that’s happening/ has happened would validate that it really occurred, and opening up about it to a world filled with strangers (which, is quite terrifying) would be like revealing your burn scars for the first time, which you kept hidden under layers of clothes.
So, what changed now, you ask?
Well, I have been attentively following this amazing blog by Mandy (check it out, its beyond deep!) and her posts are refreshingly humble, crisp and honest! Do you know that feeling when you frantically search for a document in your drawer, but in the process you stumble into your high school autograph book, full of memories that you’d long forgotten!? Reading her blog makes me feel something like that. Her writing triggers memories, and I find answers to questions; the questions that I couldn’t fathom earlier! She inspired me to write something true- by being completely honest to myself.
In her words, “It’s like slowly wading into a cold lake”. The experience is unpleasant in the beginning, but it grows on you, and hopefully in the end, you’ll have a sense of accomplishment for doing something that you’d never even considered before.
This is where you Un-become all the things you aren’t, to become the person who you were meant to be (I am pretty sure, that that’s what she meant; at least!)
So, let’s get to business- Being HONEST!
Okay, before you expect me to reveal my deep dark secrets, and admit to being THE bat-woman, let me tell you that by the time I reached this point in my post, I have checked and re-checked my WhatsApp account a gazillion times- replying to every other conversation, cracking pun-intended jokes about their status; I have tried, given up, tried again and succeeded in unlocking my friend’s suitcase whose 3-digit combination code was lost on him(mind you- that makes 999 combinations); I read and re-read my comment sections; read posts on Pinterest and finished half a jar of Nutella. (Life feels complete with Nutella 🙂 ) In, short I’m the worst procrastinator EVER!
When I first started this blog, it was just for reading purposes. I read more than I wrote, and still continue to do so, which is quite expected if you observe more than you participate. Plus, you only repeat what you know when you speak, but you could possibly learn something new when you listen! (The exception is when all you hear is bullshit and gossip, in which case, you only the learn the threshold of your own patience in bearing it)
Elizabeth Gilbert once said,
“I have never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit!”
Disclaimer: If you are the kind of person who has done all the right things for the wrong people, and persisted on being the best version of yourself to everyone, then please continue reading, else please press the big X mark on the top right of your screen, because you’ll be gravely disappointed!
Still here? Great!!
So, recently I met this guy (let’s just skip the descriptions and call him Mr. Q), he and his family had come home to “see me” (Yep! My folks have started the primordial-search-for-bridegroom, with a lantern in their hand)
For all the non-Indian folks reading this post- Yes, that’s very common in India, and No, everybody doesn’t follow the same approach/path. Anyway, I’ll not describe how dreadful interesting the day turned out to be. Yet, there were quite a few “thought provoking” arguments that took place between Mr. Q and I. (you can imagine, how the conversation went). We had an argument about people (when he meant- ME) being different.
Mr. Q’s point of view was that people who do things in a differently from the rest of the crowd, do it to stand out, for they crave attention. Last I checked, being “Different” comes nowhere close to being a “Narcissist”. Narcissists are different than most people, but everybody who is different ISN’T a narcissist. Although, I admit, I didn’t make this valid point at that moment, because
- a) I didn’t want to call out his bullshit, right then and there; &
- b) Let’s face it! I was being miss. Goody two shoes (emphasize on the word- “being”, because I generally ain’t one!)
But ever since that day, the voice in the back of my mind kept nagging me, that I didn’t take a stand (not that it would have mattered), because I didn’t want to sound rude by turning down his opinion.
It won’t make a difference as to what anyone thinks/says, and one cannot correct/change people for good, even with reasonable intentions.
Another incident occurred lately when a bunch of colleagues were making fun of a fellow colleague, in his absence. Now, I am particularly new to the team, and haven’t habituated myself with the names, faces and characteristics of my teamies, but this is point blank- gossiping about someone to the point of insulting them, is clearly mean!
Workplace banter involves a lot of this, but I wonder; what is the statute of limitations on being an As**le?
I guess, it’s not the people, as much as the place that brings out this unreasonable trait. Does Corporate turn people into inhuman jerks who play politics? Or, does is it just increase the frequency of that behaviour as it already exists in them?
Now, the reason that I bring up these 2 incidents is because, in both cases, I knew what was wrong, but I also believe in choosing my battles. One cannot simply go about correcting people, because
- In the process you’ll be deemed a self-righteous jerk, irrespective of your intentions;
- Your efforts will be in vain, since It’s human nature to only grasp the information, that is absolutely necessary in the situation!( simply put, the lyrics of Backstreet boys/John Lennon/T-swift/Adele strike home when you are in Pain/Love)
But nevertheless, I should have at least tried to do something about it. I think most of us live with the fake security that we have nothing to lose, if we don’t put ourselves out there. How can someone fail at something, if they simply don’t attempt it, Right?
Take it from me. Never miss out on an opportunity, because you are afraid. You could be afraid of the outcome, of rejection, or even because you think you’d end up looking like a fool.
None of that matters, because at the end of it, if not anything, I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful story. A memory that’ll make your eyes twinkle and leave you with a smile that’ll reach your eyes. (You just remembered one such memory, didn’t you?J)
Let’s jog back to my train of thoughts; how can demeaning someone, make you feel better about yourself!? Okay, let’s admit that people do mean things all the time, and probably in a perfect world, nobody would hurt nobody. (And in that world, I would be going on a tour with Taylor swift, Adele and Bob Marley) But, it’s not a perfect world.
So, riddle me this! If you don’t murder someone, (suppose that “someone” is your #1 nemesis, and ridding them of this world would solve all your problems) is it because you know it is wrong, and that the person’s life is important, regardless of who/what they are; or is it because the law forbids you from doing so, and also because you’ll be imprisoned for life?
When did we start considering our actions based on whether or not they’re punishable under law?
If its punishable, then it’s wrong; but if it’s not, then?
I don’t want to sound all preachy and self-righteous; it’s not all black and white, there are the Gray shady areas at times, where you learn to put your worries to rest. I have been on the black side, I know what it’s like to be the mean one! But I also have learnt how to cross over. Pain teaches you that; having someone who matters the most, and losing that person forever- will teach you that!
Compassion is an odd feeling. People who have known and suffered through pain learn it; yet the ones who absolutely need to have it, walk about, hurting the ones who already suffer!