When it’s all said and done..

We are both sitting on the stairs, just inches away from each other, watching the sunset that once held deep meaning for me!

I keep looking at the sun, fading slowly into the horizon “When you lose a person to death in this world, you can blame it on fate; but whom can you blame when someone walks away from you, with all their consciousness, knowing in their heart that it’ll hurt you?”

He remains speechless for a second; I can feel  his eyes stare deep into me.

Sometimes its impossible to live through pain, no matter how strong the connection is, or how desperately you want it to work.

“But I am here, and we both want US! Why won’t you give this a chance?” He asks me with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Can you promise me, that no matter what happens, no matter our fates, you’ll stay by me forever! That you’ll never ever walk away from me, until my last breath?”

He opens his mouth to speak, but loses the words halfway. Being honest isn’t pretty, or easy!

“So does this mean that you’ll run away from everyone? For the fear of getting hurt?”

“I am not running away from everyone; you aren’t everyone- you are more than everyone; more than anyone I have ever known; can’t you tell?”
I search for the answer in his face.

What looked like hope in his eyes has now turned into sorrow. Funny how quick our minds work through emotions.

I continue “Our universes are different,  Mine’s been broken down into a million pieces. There is nothing more left to break.
I’m afraid that one more blow will destroy me because these pieces will turn to dust. If I leave now, I’ll probably be a crack on your universe; but if I stay, I know there’ll be a day when I’ll lose you. And that day, that day is what I fear”

He shakes his head in dismay. I tend to think a lot, and he always had trouble catching onto my train of thoughts.
He runs his hand through his hair, ruffling it in the process; A habit when he collects his thoughts in his mind, placing them to make ample sense.
“This isn’t fair. You can’t break up now to avoid breaking up in the future!!”

“Do you know what happens when penguins dive into water? They dive in deep and once they find what they need to, they jump right out; do you know what I am? I am the kitten that has never learned to swim, and if by any chance, I do dive, I’ll sink; I’ll sink deep, and I’ll never find my way out. I am tired of getting lost, and I’m tired of being tired!”

I walk away; my head is buzzing with a million thoughts, and my eyes are tired of dreaming a future that can never be. They feel dead. Guess I have been lost for too long that I ended up losing my soul in the process!


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