Ladies! Here’s why y’all should get married by the age of 24!

  1. You’ve probably just graduated. Certainly you understand yourself a lot better than when you’ll do, when you’re, I don’t know- 28, or 41.
  2. It’s easy for your parents to convince you over the following ground breaking theories. Honestly, they’re fool proof.
    1. This-is-the-right-age, it’s good for you. Absolutely. All single men are simply going to vanish if you’re unmarried by the time you’re 28 or 41 or 65.
    2. Sharma uncle’s daughter got married when she was 23. Look how happy she is.
    3. Grandchildren! I mean, there are other ways to do this. But who’s arguing? Adoption. I was suggesting adoption. Don’t get your knickers in a twist!
  3. You haven’t fully explored your sexuality. You could be straight, gay, bi, Demi, Pan sexual, or even asexual. But hey, knowing what you like is so 70’s, right. Why bother?
  4. You’re at the beginning of your career ladder. It would be misogyny to assume that you can’t be a juggler. Personal life, house, husband, family, parents, in-laws, oh and what did I miss? Career. That’s right. Toss it in the air and catch it right back, or don’t. No one is going to send you on a guilt trip.
  5. Your biological clock is going to tick-tick-tick and explode. Late pregnancies are a myth, people. If you don’t believe me, ask Shilpa Shetty, Madhuri Dixit, Aishwarya Rai, or Farah Khan.
  6. No one would tug your cheeks at the next wedding, and shamelessly inform you (let alone ask you) – ‘Agla number tumhara hai beta…’ Bending over, due to social pressure is undeniably, a solid reason to get married.
  7. Traveling solo, playing in a band, getting a tattoo anywhere (anywhere!!) on your body, buzzing off on unplanned treks with your friends, volunteering for the peace corps, spending a year abroad, having wild adventures- we can do all of this, and a lot more, with the permission of…..wait, they’re all going to tell you it’s safe. Self-exploration is, after-all a prevalent job in India, with a 36% reservation, solely for women.
  8. Responsibility to yourself. It means, accepting the ‘behavioral manual for women’ handed out by every other person on the street. The authors are unknown, yet everyone is a contributor. From the sweeper gawking at you, when you’re jogging down the street; to the upstairs aunty who can’t even persuade her own son to return home, without reeking like the entire bar. And do I dare get started on the moral police, or the politicians who’ve found the fool-proof solutions to avoid rapes? People, who’re convinced that they’re a higher breed than women, sure are painfully afraid of feminism. Get married, get married, get married. It’s an automatic solution to all the travesties in life.
  9. Here’s a list of women whose lives have fallen into a swirl of misery, for not being married by the age of 30.
    1. Pooja Dhingra: Achievements? Oh, I don’t know. Best-selling books, innumerable awards, A-list celebrity clients, and a thriving business. How terrible!
    2. Zoya Akhtar: Do the movies Zindagi na milegi dobaara, luck by chance, or Talaash, ring a bell? Why isn’t anyone lecturing her to get married? Call all the aunties.
    3. Priyanka Chopra: I’m not even gonna…
    4. Barkha Dutt: A nomination for Emmy? A first for India. What was it all for? Surely, she should have listened to her parents at twenty-t-h-r-e-e.
    5. Ekta Kapoor: No, we do not watch her movies or long-running serials. Who has time for all that, whilst juggling our family, husband, children, in-laws, house, personal life…. Oh wait, what did I miss again?
    6. Kiran Desai: A winner of Booker prize? How is she ever going to face all that cheek-pulling at the weddings?
    7. Sushmita Sen: Good lord. Being jaw-dropping gorgeous at 41, holding the Miss. Universe tiara, bringing up two daughters all-by-herself, starring in hella movies must be a crime. Someone amend the laws. Her parents must be sighing for grandchildren.
    8. Mindy Kaling, aka, Vera Mindy Chokalingam: Starring in her own show The Mindy project, as well as others such as Ocean’s eleven, A wrinkle in time along with writing best sellers such as Is everyone hanging out without me, Why not me, must be horrendous achievements to bear.
  10. If you’re not yet convinced to get married right away, I might have to call the next door aunty to convince you.

Until next time,

The girl in the green shrug!

    Anything is to be preferred and endured rather than marrying without affection. – Jane Austen


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