“The clouds! They are chasing each other. Look at that one, it is shaped like a heart, but with arms, offering a chunk of itself to that cloud, following it” Jake said, pointing to the sky, grinning ear to ear on his new found theory!
It was a little before noon, on a warm Sunday in May.
This was our tradition;
On this day, every year, my little brother Jake and I would lay on the damp grass, next to each other and stare at the sky. We’d cook up stories about the clouds, the trees, the birds and the wind.
The world would make sense to us with our stories and we’d let our thoughts float like the clouds!
Jake and I, we were dreamers!
“Look, you missed Mr. Heart’s teeny tiny legs; and it’s stretching out its hand for the other one to catch up!” I said. Proud of finding a loophole in his theory! Ha-ha!
“Do you think they come back? After travelling all over the world, do the clouds come back?” He asked, searching the skies for other interesting shapes. Nothing yet!
“Maybe they do, maybe they just disintegrate, you never know! It all depends on the humidity or temperature, I think” I answered, second guessing my reply.
“I miss you guys! I don’t get to talk to you any more” He turned towards me, his face masking a thousand emotions that were bubbling up inside of him.
“I don’t have a lot going on, I mean I have plenty of time now so I end up thinking about everything! All the things I should have done to make mom happy! All those times when I used to give her the cold shoulder when she wouldn’t side with me, or when we fought! I wish I hadn’t said and done those mean things! I should have been there for her, more often!” He continued, turning towards the sky, his eyes staring at the distant!
“She was always on your side, Jakey! You both were on the same side. Words may have fallen short for her to express this, just as it was for you! She loved you more than anything, and that’s never going to change. I want you to remember that.” I took his hands in mine and rested my head on his shoulder.
He let out a long sigh of despair! Sometimes there are no second chances in life! The words that go unsaid, remain locked in your heart, until the end of eternity.
The way I know it, there is never a right time; you’ll never be ready if you wait for it! If you wait, you’ll probably carry all the unexpressed feelings to the grave! How foolish are we to spend our lives doing the things that don’t matter, but not taking a moment to muster the courage to express our love to the people who matter.
“I am afraid, I’m losing my memories!” I whispered to him, unsure of myself.
He suddenly sat up, and so I sat up too. His eyes searched my face for answers to the questions that his mind conjured.
I shook my head lightly, when I ran the words I just said, in my mind. What a foolish thing to say, I thought to myself.
“I feel like I don’t remember things about you any more, when I’m not here-with you!” I said to him, trying to keep my emotions in check, desperate not to sound as if my world was falling apart.
“I forget how you sound, the tiny freckles on your face, the way you smirk when you have won the argument with an illogical but non-arguable sentence. You would act like the mastermind behind Troy! The way you would squint your eyes to look at the clouds, as if they were encrypted messages that you had to decipher; as if your life depended on it! I know these are small things, but they are slipping my memory” I blabbered like a talkaholic. It was beyond me to conceal the fears that haunted my mind.
“Just the other day, mom was making red velvet cake and she said that you would have loved it, if she topped it with jellies. And I was speechless, because I couldn’t recollect if red velvet was your favourite! How could I forget that?” I asked him, exasperated at my own uncertainty.
He tried to speak, but decided against it. Instead, he just smiled faintly at me; a sad smile! The kind of smile that you force on yourself as you talk about someone you once knew; someone you once loved deeply, who then turned into a distant memory!
“I am scared that one day I may forget your face!” I sobbed realizing that it was a possibility! Time heals all wounds, but does healing mean that you forget the painful memories? The scars will always remind you of the wounds.
The truth is that it’s never easy, for any of us! We are all lost, unable to stay, unable to move!
I turned towards him, tears welled up in his eyes. I wrapped my arms around his “We’ll always have each other!”
“Emma, honey, what are you doing here, all by yourself? Who are you talking to?” My mother walked up to me, squinting when the sunlight hit her eyes.
I sat up straight “Nothing Mom. I was just watching the clouds pass by.” She helped me up and I dusted the grass off my dress as she looked around, her eyes searching for the unknown, finally settling on me.
“You’ve got grass blades on your hair, what were you doing here any ways?” she brushed away the tiny grass blades off of my hair.
I gave her a warm hug but she pulled back, a second later. PDA wasn’t really her thing any more. Yet, it was once; she once was an ocean of boundless love
All the love in the world isn’t enough, when you feel broken!
“Let’s go honey, we’re getting late to go to the orphanage; the kids must be waiting for us”
I smiled, and followed her to the car. She got in, and turned on the ignition, waiting for me to get in.
I took one last look around and got into the front seat, and we drove out the gates.
A leaf drifted along the wind and landed on a tombstone.