Sooooo, I have been meaning to write this peculiar particular post for quite a while now! The reason I waited this long was because I wanted to pile up the specifics of every weird thing that my friends have done (that I can remember, obviously! :P) lately!
Disclaimer: All these incidents are completely, honestly, dysfunctional and 100% Real. Please do not try this at home/office/school/local mart/… on second thoughts, Anywhere! 😀
Intro to Mr. A: This social animal is one of the quirkiest people I know. He will baffle you with his worldly theories, and you’ll be left wondering, what was the conversation all about in the first place! 😀
We’re all having a meal, passing around food to each other! (Incidentally, the omnivores and herbivorous sat on different ends of the table, so that the hogging process would be easy).
I ask my friend to pass the Non-veg items to Mr. A, who’s sitting next to me, and when I turn to him, he gives me a look! **as if I’d just killed a deer and dragged it onto the table, with my mouth! **
Me: What? Why are you looking at me like that?
A: I don’t understand why do you have to call it Non-veg! I’m a vegetarian, and occasionally, I eat fish, chicken and egg!
Me: So you don’t like what it is called? That’s the problem? (** holding my laughter, not to crack up)
A(Being all righteous): Yes, please DO NOT label it as Non-veg!
Me: Okay! Please pass the chicken which was a perfect vegetarian its whole life! Every item here on the table has been a vegetarian creature, just the ones sitting on the chairs aren’t! 😉
Mr. A is having a conversation over the phone with a Customer care representative of a Bank.
Customer Care Rep: Good morning Sir, How may I help you today?
**Background story: Mr. A is struggling to open the Online banking application on his phone **
A: Can you tell me, why I can’t open this stupid bank application on my phone? I have tried it half a dozen times.
CC Rep: Sir, can you check if your phone supports the application, and if so, is it installed correctly?
A: Yes, Yes, I have! It’s a brand new Moto Phone!
CC Rep: Can you give me your Customer ID number, so that I can cross check in our database?
A: No, No! The agent who first handed me the documents and ATM card had warned me to never, NEVER hand the customer ID no. to anyone!
CC Rep: !!!!!!
A: Okay, okay, never mind, can you tell me what’s a Demat account?
CC Rep: Jibber Jabber… are you interested in a Demat account? Yap yap yap!
A: Um, I’m busy right now, Bye!
**Slam! Mr. A hangs up the phone** 😀
Mr. A is having a conversation over the phone with a Customer care representative of a Bank (Again!! I believe that he has put them on speed dial!) 😛
Customer Care Rep: Good Evening Sir, How may I help you today?
**Background story: Mr. A wants a Credit card, and has questions about few other things!
A: I want to know, how do you calculate the credit card interest on an unpaid balance?
CC Rep: Mumbo Jumbo, bleh, bleh bleh!
After half hour of meaningless conversations…
A: Oh, that sounds fair; I want to apply for a credit card!
So, they agree on a date and a time, and the agent comes over to our office building to complete the formalities.
Mr. A, along with his friend Mr. B meet him. A conversation follows up between Mr. A and the agent, and (not-so) surprisingly, and out of the blue, Mr. A
politely turns down the agent, leaving him baffled!
Agent follows Mr. A desperately trying to change his mind, pleading him to stop!
Agent: But, but sir! You had called me! I am indeed from the bank…. You can talk to my supervisor… sir…!!
A: No, no!! I cannot hand you the documents, not even if it’s a copy!
Agent: Sir, but it is mandatory to attach the documents with the form. Sir, please stop! Sir…
After (outrunning) walking past the agent, Mr. B, who is as surprised as the agent was, asks Mr. A,
B: Why didn’t you fill out the forms? The poor guy came all the way for it!
A: The agent didn’t sound all that convincing! I think he isn’t very enthusiastic about his job! For all I know, he might be a Fraud!
Mr. A is withdrawing money from the office ATM, and Mr. B is tagging along. After withdrawing the money, Mr. A presses random digits on the ATM keyboard, after pressing all digits, he turns around relieved!
B: Why would you press all the buttons on the ATM?
A: I don’t want anyone to find out my ATM pin number, by tracing my fingerprints!
B: How much money do you think you have in your account, to be worried in the first place?!
A: It is not about the money, it was weird because the person standing behind me was peeping continuously on the screen!
B: I WAS STANDING BEHIND YOU!!
Mr. A is delightful when it comes to talking to customer care Reps, so when any of us needs to log a complaint, or raise a concern, we directly hand over the phone to Mr. A and sit back and ENJOY!
**Background story: Bleh.. So, on one such incident (out of the
infinite numerous ones!) 😀 **
After 10 minutes of Q&A, The CC Rep has requested Mr. A to stay online, while she confirms about the order details with her supervisor.
** Boring Call waiting music plays for quite a while, so we put the phone on speaker and discuss whether or not to hang up the call. Suddenly the CC Rep comes back on line, and we hand the phone directly to Mr. A, to handle rest of the situation.
CC Rep (On speaker): Thank you for staying on the line, Sir!
A (Holding the phone close to his ear): WHY ARE YOU TALKING SO LOUD????
Scene 6: (Almost forgot this one, so I’m updating the post again)
**Background story: Mr. A had worked in Chennai (for the training program) for a few months before he landed in the oh-so mighty Bangalore City!
So, on one eventful day, Mr. A places an online order for a phone.
Few days later, Mr. A gets a call from the Delivery agent, who requests Mr. A to meet him at the office back gate and collect his package, to which Mr. A responds positively (with a grunt).
When Mr. A doesn’t show up at the gate for a long time, the frantic agent calls him again to check his whereabouts.
Agent: Hello Sir, Where are you?
A: I’m waiting at the back gate, near your company delivery truck. Where are you?
Agent: But, there’s no one here sir! Are you sure you are near the back gate?
A: Do you see the Chai stall next to me?
** Both look around**
Agent: There’s No Chai stall here sir! ** Mumbles something in Tamil, out of sheer frustration **
A: Are you sure you are near B7 and not near the B4 building?
Agent: CDC1 saarr! Sholinganallur, Chennai Saarr! **Almost screaming over the phone**
A: No, no, no, Bangalore! Bangalore!
(PS: Mr. Eidetic memory here had filled in the address of his Bangalore office with the Chennai Pin code! And, since the company name was the same, plus the sorting of orders were done on the basis of Pin Codes, the poor young delivery man had to endure the eccentricity of Mr. A!!)
Until next time amigos 😀 😉